Isn’t it Weak to Seek Christian Counseling?

A question I rarely hear people say out loud is:

"Isn’t it weak to seek counseling?"

Undeniably, there has been, and is, a stigma around seeing a counselor in some Christian circles.

And, to be fair, certainly some approaches and some counselors advocate views that are not consistent with biblical values.

In this space, I’m referring to someone who feels lasting and intense psychological pain, as in anxiety, depression, or behaviors that they just can’t change, and they are resisting seeing a Christian counselor who could truly play a role in helping them experience lasting healing and transformation.

The Brutal Inner Dialogue

Internally, they often have an inner dialogue that says:

"I think I should be able to handle this."

"I don't want to depend on counseling."

"I just need to trust God more."

Or, “What if someone finds out I see a therapist? Will they lose respect for me?”

Greater Inner Fears

And deeper than those thoughts is often a greater fear:

“What if I get worse by going?”

“What if I find out I’m worse than I thought, and there actually is no hope for me?”

Or, “If I really let myself feel my sadness or anger, I’m afraid it will absolutely consume me.”

Beneath many of these beliefs and fears are some key assumptions that are frankly tragic.

First would be the belief that, somehow, I am not acceptable if I admit I have a need or struggle I can’t resolve on my own.

Second would be a belief that somehow, I can fix this on my own, even though I’ve never been able to, actually.

Satan’s Hideous Lies

And, more deeply, are what I see as hideous lies from Satan, such as:

“You are more unacceptable than you realize. If you move towards your heart, or explore your fears, you will see that you truly are beyond hope” 

“If you really let yourself feel your sadness or anger, it will consume you.”

“You truly are on your own, and you will never overcome your chronic struggles.”

“God will not be with you in your deepest pain and brokenness, and darkness will rule the day.”

Clearly, those comments above are intense, and yet, I’ve witnessed countless people struggle with those very questions in my work over the last few decades.

Frankly, I believe Satan loves to use fear and shame as two of his favorite weapons in keeping people isolated and stuck in emotional pain and trauma that can be healed. The fear of what we might find out about ourselves, and the fear of being shamed and finding out we are too bad to be in Christian community.

But what are the deeper truths about us and God?

We all have needs. At some level, all of us are weak.

First, the truth is, each one of us is weak, at a certain level. We can’t stop ourselves from aging. We can’t live without food and water. We can’t live without sleep at some point.

We can experience enough relational pain, neglect, or abuse that we can’t fix it on our own.

To need things like food or sleep, or help when we are hurt physically or emotionally, is not weakness; it is human.

Paul went so far as delighting in his weakness (2nd Cor. 12:9-10), because in doing so, it enabled him to receive God’s grace and love that much more deeply, and share it that much more generously.

Emotions are not all-powerful

Second, would be addressing misunderstandings about emotion. Yes, emotions can be intense. They can be powerful. But, they do not have all the power. One author recently wrote that emotions “are a sign that something important is going on.” Emotions are meant to be dashboard indicators telling us that something needs to be paid attention to.

But, gratefully, I can testify, based on decades of personal and professional experience, that when we feel our emotions in the context of a loving person and/or our loving God, we discover that they lose power rather than gain power. When we feel anger in the context of love, we are gradually moved to forgiveness and comfort. When we feel sadness or fear in the context of love, we move towards peace and rest. I've seen it over and over again.

God is with us in our greatest pain.

As mentioned above, Satan loves for us to give in to fear. And perhaps our greatest fear is that God will not be with us if we let ourselves feel the depth of our losses, fears, or betrayals. That we will be consumed, and God will not carry us through it.

There is so much that could be written here about God being with us, especially when we are going through the toughest times.

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will never leave you or forsake you,” is what God said to Joshua when he was stepping into the massive shoes of Moses (Joshua 1:5).

David, a man who fought countless battles and went through surreal suffering (some of it self-inflicted), near the middle of Psalm 23, says, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.”

Jesus, also known as Immanuel, which means “God with us” (Matt. 1:23), told his disciples and by extension us, that he “...is with us always, to the very end of the age (Matthew 28:20.)

Again, over and over, personally and professionally, I have seen God be present in beautiful and compassionate ways as people gradually experienced comfort and compassion from God and through loving others as they let themselves experience their pain or loss or hurt in a vulnerable and congruent manner.

Real Hope for Real Humans

So, gratefully, the truth is that God is more than happy to be with us in our toughest places. He is not afraid of our emotions. He does not despise us in our weakness or dependency. He knows that we are needy, and has made complete peace with that.

And gratefully, he has given people gifts to come alongside others, to bear burdens (Gal. 6:2) in not just a friendship capacity or mentoring capacity but in a therapeutic capacity, where people can experience lasting healing from trained professionals who love God and honor Him in their work.

To need Christian counseling when you are battling something that you have not overcome after persistent efforts through prayer, sharing with a friend or mentor, and attempts at obedience does not mean you're weak, it just means that you need help.

Trauma and relational losses that lead to anxiety or depression are typically so close to us, that we can't heal them on our own.

Wisdom and Courage

Just as a wise person seeks out a medical doctor when they are sick, or a financial professional when they want to be good stewards, a Christian is free to seek a Christian therapist when they need help navigating chronic or intense emotional and relational struggles that they simply cannot heal on their own.

May God grant you the wisdom and courage to seek help from a godly Christian counselor if you need it. Feel free to forward this blog to someone you know who might be grappling with these very questions.