How Does Good Christian Counseling Help?

How does Good Christian Counseling help?

This is a remarkably important question:  How does good Christian Counseling help?

It would be really awful if, after devoting 30 years of my vocational time and energy, I said, "Well, it really didn't help very much." Actually, it would be tragic if that were the case. 

Gratefully, I can say with a clean conscience before God that good Christian Counseling undeniably helps. (I use the adjective “good” because unfortunately, even within Christian counseling, I believe some of it is not nearly as good as it could be.)  

It's important to write about this topic because most people haven't seen a counselor, let alone a good Christian counselor, so they don't know what they could be receiving if they took the risk to try it.

Without going into lengthy detail, let me highlight the most fundamental ways good Christian counseling helps, which, not surprisingly, directly tie in with our deepest longings as image bearers.

First, to set the stage, Christians who come in for counseling are often struggling with things like anxiety or depression, or have gone through a recent loss or difficulty.   

Underneath that anxiety, depression, or other struggle, is often a sense of feeling alone, confused, and poorly equipped to navigate what they're going through.  

So what they really need is the essence of what good Christian counseling provides.  First, the client has a deep need to: 

Be Known and Valued

The first and most foundational element that helps someone who is struggling and overwhelmed, is having a real interpersonal experience of being known and valued.   

A good Christian counselor is first and foremost a really good listener, able to skillfully enter the world of the person they are serving. When a client is listened to in substantial ways, over time, nearly everyone is able to receive the life-giving experience of feeling valued and cared for. 

Further, as the client shares more deeply about their struggles, and as their therapist empathizes, asks good questions, and affirms in meaningful ways, the client almost imperceptibly starts to feel more and more known and valued. 

Having that sense that there's someone in the world who knows them and values them, cares about them, and even prays for them, ministers deeply to our souls.  

As the client is able to let that experience sink in, it gives them a glimpse of the reality of God knowing and valuing them as well, which, of course, is far greater than what a godly human being can provide.  

Experiencing being known and valued on deeper and deeper levels is a foundational gift I pray every believer can experience more and more deeply in their life, whether through a good Christian counselor, or by other means.  

But wait, there’s more! 

Growing Clarity and Peace

With our approach at Restoration Christian Counseling, the therapeutic process invariably entails growing in understanding ways that our formative experiences, especially in our close family relationships, often affect our present in ways we simply haven't understood before.  

To be clear, this is not about looking to the past to blame others for where we are. Nor is it indulgent navel gazing. 

It is about understanding the negative side of the impact that people, such as well-intentioned parents, unknowingly had on us, and particularly the way that Satan took experiences of neglect or abuse and magnified them substantially.  This is hard to describe, but I’ve seen it over and over.  

Most of us just don’t realize how much Satan can take seemingly innocuous childhood events, but even more so substantial neglect and abuse, and entice people into believing terrible things about themselves that are absolutely untrue.  

And when we believe lies about ourselves, especially when we’re not even aware of them, (or how deep they go) we invariably make choices that furthers the power of the lies, and find ourselves deeply befuddled and discouraged by our unwanted behavior.  

I will certainly admit that this is often not easy work to undertake. 

Yet, when a client is able to draw upon the grace of God and bravely step into the courage only God provides, and is increasingly vulnerable about losses and trauma they've gone through, it reveals the lies from Satan like nothing else I’ve seen.  

That process helps immensely, because when Satan’s lies are exposed in that context, it paves the way to stunning clarity.  A client, often for the first time, begins to realize they are not crazy at a certain level.  

Their choices and struggles begin to make sense in a profoundly liberating way.   They understand why they have struggled so much and why certain choices were so hard.  And, when they experience grace firsthand from their therapist in that space, the grace of God becomes real in new ways, and a corresponding sense of peace begins to fill their heart in glorious ways. 

The good news of the Gospel moves from black and white to brilliant colors when a person experiences that kind of grace for the first time. 

Living Differently With Greater Hope

As you can imagine, over time, as a person feels increasingly known and valued, and as they grow in clarity and peace, meaningful behavioral change is essentially unavoidable. It becomes so much easier to do the things that previously seemed essentially impossible. 

I'm not saying that a person isn't nervous when they try something new, such as setting a healthy boundary, or embracing a healthy self-care activity. It's that they are actually able to do it and experience a rich new sense of satisfaction and hope as they step into the new behavior.  

Candidly, as the therapist, it's such a beautiful thing to be a part of that process in helping someone embrace truly healthy and God-honoring activity.  It’s almost like being present at a birth, where new life just bursts onto the scene, and all you can do is sit back and praise God for His goodness and grace. 

A Deeper, More Robust Faith

But, perhaps the greatest outcome of experiencing good Christian Counseling is that, by definition, it's virtually impossible not to grow in their faith.  

As they experience the grace, goodness and wisdom of God through the therapeutic experience, they can't help but feel closer to God and see him more and more clearly as a God who is truly loving and good and gracious and compassionate.

As God’s word is skillfully incorporated into the work and healthy devotional practices are discussed and practiced more consistently, the client’s life becomes increasingly rooted in God.  

It is such a beautiful thing to see. 

Wrapping Up

So, clearly good Christian counseling can help in extraordinary ways.  Ways that most people wouldn’t even think of.  

Yet, I don’t want to imply that this kind of transformational change is easy or quick.  It can take a long time, typically years, for deep, lasting healing and growth to take place.  

But, just as Jesus said in so many different ways, if we want to build our lives on the Rock, we have to dig deep and work hard.  It does take sweat.  It may seem excessive.  It may even seem weak or be misunderstood.  

But I promise you, if you find a good Christian counselor, and follow the process that the Holy Spirit ulitmately leads, you will know life to the full in ways that will make your heart soar.  

Here’s to your transformational journey.  May God bless and guide it!